A Gentleman

I met Ray in Portland, Oregon, in 2005 when I was working at a clinical laboratory. The week before we met, I had informed my coworkers that I was going to meet someone at work, and he was an Englishman. I'd been having premonitions of a handsome gentleman opening the door of a Jaguar for me. A week later, in walked Ray O'Neill. He heard me talking to someone and said, "You have a Scots girl here." I don't know how he heard a Scots accent in my Yankee talk, but he did.

Ray asked me to meet him for a drink at a pub on Friday at 4:00. After he left, I looked at his paperwork to see if he was younger than me and was stunned to see we had the same surname. I walked in at 4:00 on the dot, and there he was, waiting for me, and that was that.

Ray was the nicest, kindest, most generous person I've ever known, always willing to help. If you needed something, he would give you his without hesitation. It was not in his nature to do otherwise. He had many, many friends and acquaintances who thought the world of Ray. I don't know anyone who didn't like him.

In 2007 we decided to return to the UK. We made a spur-of-the-moment decision, and everything fell into place as if it was all meant to be.

We arrived in April of 2008 with a Labrador Retriever and two cats. We lived in at The Ranch in Maybole for a couple of weeks in a small caravan Ray had bought online from someone who happened to be not only from his hometown of Manchester, but she was from his neighbourhood and went to the same school.

In 2009 we bought Tara Cottage, and Ray loved it there and, of course, fit right in just like he always did. He always said how fortunate we were to have our own little slice of paradise, and he worked very hard on his 1/3 acre garden 'til his very last day. He happily went around fixing and tidying up and said he'd had a very good day, indeed. I can still hear him ask, "Can I make you a cup of tea, love?" He made great coffee from freshly ground beans and made me a Capuccino every afternoon. He was quite proud of his barista skills.

Ray was a Grenadier Guard in the late '50s, stationed in Malaya, Cyprus, and Germany. He was able to travel and see much of the world while in the army and throughout his life. His battalion was involved in Trooping the Colour for the Queen's birthday celebration in the late 1950s, an incredible thrill. He was very proud of his military career and often spoke fondly of his army days. After all, Once a Grenadier, Always a Grenadier.

When he was on duty at Buckingham Palace, suddenly, he was peppered with gravel. He could neither move nor leave his post. Again, stones came raining down over the hedge. He heard giggling and saw two young children running away. It was none other than Prince Charles and Princess Anne.

Ray was in a skiffle band when he was in the army. I believe his instrument was the washboard. Ray was a big music fan but often sang the wrong words to songs. If I told him, he would say, "I don't care. I'll sing it my way." When certain artists came on, like Phil Collins or the Beatles, Ray played the air drums. When his solo was done, he would say, "I should've played the drums." Maybe he'll get his chance in the last song.

He became a police officer in Manchester, and his mum and his sister both lived on his beat. He was in the Motorcycle Division and rode a Norton. In the early '70s, he moved to Los Angeles and worked at Warner Bros. Studios and National Broadcasting Company (NBC). He met many well-known stars like Lucille Ball, Andy Williams, Johnny Mathis, and Aretha Franklin. They all wanted to meet "The Englishman." A few years later, he moved to Portland, Oregon, and became a Washington County Deputy Sheriff. He had a different policing style and used his gift of charm to his advantage. He won people over and diffused tense situations by talking rather than using force, sometimes used by American cops.

Ray was always a huge football fan, so naturally, he played football in Portland. He taught proper football to American kids when he worked for the YMCA and a North Portland school. Ray made a significant and positive impact on the lives of some of these at-risk kids. He enjoyed playing walking football into his eighties. When COVID-19 caused its cancelation, he missed it very much. His favourite team, of course, was Manchester United. He accompanied his father to the World Cup match in 1966.

We were out walking around North Portland one summer evening, and we passed two men who were obviously down and out. As we passed, Ray nodded his head and said, "Gentlemen." They were so taken aback that they just nodded in return, but that simple gesture of affording someone some dignity touched my soul. He gave them something they probably hadn't experienced in quite some time, respect.

Ray was not a religious man but was a very spiritual man who treated everyone the same. He was a pacifist and took things as they came, accepted them, and got on with it. He didn't dwell on what was past. He always tried to look on the bright side of life and what a gift he had of making things okay. I think maybe that's why he appeared so happy and cheerful all the time. He adored his sister, Enid, and her family. He loved his four children and his grandchildren, and my niece was like another daughter to him. Her children adored Uncle Ray. Ray's son, Chris, is expecting a new son soon, and Ray was thrilled to bits about that.

I am proud and humbled to have been in this lovely man's life. I knew he was special, but the outpouring of love and admiration for this Manchester lad showed me just how extraordinarily special he was. He was one in a million. All these people loved Ray, but he chose me to be his partner, and I'm thankful and honoured to have spent some of the best of my life with him. It was a time full of much laughter. It was a pleasure and a great adventure, and it wasn't enough.

Ray died at home and is survived by his partner, Anne O'Neill, sister Enid Morris and family, three daughters, Genevieve, Rebecca, and Andrea, a son, Christopher and numerous grandchildren.

I love you with all my heart, and I miss you, beyond words, my partner, my soulmate, my hero, my love, Ray O'Neill, A gentleman, and The Greatest Grenadier.

We'll meet again. You promised.

Added on: 22 March 2021, 15:36

The world has lost a true gentleman. Sincere condolences to Anne and family. Nothing more to say.

Added on: 26 March 2021, 07:40